If only just once
by swiftly-away
Summary: Roxas is in pieces and Axel, lacking the patience, has never been good at puzzles. But something about the boy draws him in a way he can't resist, regardless of the trouble that'll follow. AxelRoxas


**If only just once  
**_Kingdom Hearts belongs to Square Enix and Disney, I own nothing~_

Hello, and welcome to read _If only just once _my first venture into the world of fanfics. Reviews of all sort welcomed warmly!

* * *

Touches so light it was almost as if they didn't even exist, that was what Namine was all about. Feathery. And unquestionably white, pure. Her long, pale fingers traced the lines of his arm drawing thoughtful circles as they went up and down, again and again. Sunrays flooded in from the large windows lighting them as they lied on the living room's mat, heads together and hands linked, hearts beating to the same rhythm; their rhythm. They lied in silence, both listening to the gentle sounds of the piano filling the room like weaves. He could feel her concentration through her fingertips. From this CD, which was Namine's favourite, this was the piece she had always liked the best. The fourteenth nocturne, f sharp minor. It was the melody Namine wanted listen every time she had one of her worse phases. The melody had a strange impact on her, making her breathing shallower and causing her eyes to glaze. It was like her soul escaped to somewhere where he couldn't follow her and it bothered him. Once, when they had discussed it, Namine told him: _"You, Roxas, are like the thirteenth, c minor. You carry an air of melancholy around you, but inside there's something majestic about you that no-one can deny. You're the type that needs time to open and show your true glory", she looked out of the wind, twirling her hair around her fingers before turning back to him and smiling slightly, "but I am the fourteenth, much more subtle and muted. Hard to define, I guess? But they're together, you know? They're the only two nocturnes in opus 48, they complete each other. They're like us, two parts of the same thing_". He sighed, listening to the final notes fading away, the melody reaching its peaceful end. Beside him Namine took a deep breath and turned her face to him.

"Roxas", her voice was just like her touches, quiet and gentle. Not answering, he lied still tracing the pattern in the ceiling with his eyes. Namine always called him Roxas, never using the numerous nicknames his friends had come up with. She didn't have to; he knew how she felt about him because he himself felt exactly the same about her. There was nothing endearings could have added to their bond.

"Roxas, look at me"

Slowly he turned to face her. The midday sun lighted her face, making her almost unbearably brilliant, miraculously beautiful. Pain exploded inside his chest. And then she said them, her three magic words for him.

"_I love you" _

* * *

Roxas woke up with a jerk, his heart beating wildly and lungs gasping for air. His mind was stumbling in panic, the waking realization of his complete loneliness sending chills down his spine. His heart longed to go back to the dream, just for a while, to live in that merciful haven a little bit longer, but Roxas knew that giving in would be dangerous to his sanity. Ignoring the cold sweat running down on his back Roxas forced himself to relax. Breathe in, breathe out. And again. Again and again, it was the same. In, out, in, out. Concentrating in the endlessly repeating cycle of ins and outs, he pushed the dream and the dreadful feeling of desolation out of his mind.

He wouldn't deal with this today. He couldn't.

Roxas heard heavy steps approaching his door. A moment later his brother poked his head in.

"You awake, Rox?", Cloud voice had morning gruffness, and the messy state of his usually carefully styled hair revealed that he had awaken just moments ago. Roxas smiled at him halfheartedly. Ever since Roxas moved in as his big brother's flat mate, Cloud had checked on him every morning. Always sounding a bit concerned, trying to determine his little brother's current condition. His constant worrying sort of annoyed Roxas, but how could you be angry at someone for caring? And unlike other people, Cloud understood. He knew what Roxas had lost. He had lost the same. Well, almost. Roxas could never understand how Cloud had the strength to keep worrying for others while dealing with his own losses.

Feeling a bit uncomfortable under the stare of his younger brother Cloud scratched the back of his head and turned to leave the room.

"It's just that you have to be at your work in an hour and I was getting worried that you'll oversleep." he mumbled as he headed towards kitchen. Hearing his brother's words Roxas' eyes shot towards the clock on the wall. True enough, it was 6:30 and he was supposed to be at his summerjob, Café Highwind at 7:15. Roxas rolled down from his bed with a groan, lying for a while on his floor. His legs felt weak and he stumbled a bit as he stood up. He was seriously not in top shape. Stopping for a while in front of the mirror Roxas examined himself quickly. His hair, same blonde color as Cloud's, was still in disarray after sleeping and his blue eyes looked a bit dazed still. He was clad in boxers and Cloud's old grey shirt which had huge orange "Chocobo Rangers from Space" –text on the front. Not a suitable work look. Roxas drag his feet to shower where he let the cold water wash the remnants of sleep away. Feeling freshened and a bit more awake Roxas sauntered to his wardrobe where he pulled out blue skinny jeans and black t-shirt. Simple was best, especially as he'd have to change into his uniform as soon as he'd get to work. He got the job through Cloud: Café Highwind was owned by Tifa Lockhart, Cloud's longtime girlfriend. It was a comfy and small, but strangely popular (Roxas was quite sure that the main reason for the continuing popularity was that Tifa was nothing short of gorgeous) in the center of Twilight Town. Living in small and sleepy place like Twilight Town it was hard to get summer jobs: everyone was competing for the same places and Roxas hadn't even had any motivation for job hunting. Luckily (or unfortunately) Cloud had gotten sick of him moping around the house and asked Tifa to hire Roxas. It was a pretty decent job with okay pay, and Tifa was a cool boss. Roxas just… didn't have the energy, hadn't had for almost a year now. Roxas turned to watch the photo on his desk. There was Roxas himself, only younger, with a blonde girl of same age. Her arms were around him in a loose embrace. Both were smiled looking at the camera. Roxas reached gently to touch the glass protecting the photo, half-smile on his face.

"I'm going now, Namine." withdrawing his hand unwillingly, Roxas left the room passing kitchen where Cloud was drinking his morning coffee. Cloud followed him to the front door where Roxas was putting on his sneakers.

"Not eating any breakfast?"

Roxas looked up and shook his head.

"Don't have time; I have to meet Sora in five minutes. I'll eat something at work"

Cloud snorted as he turned to return to his coffee and newspaper.

"Your choice. It's because you don't eat that you don't grow. Don't blame me when you get older and realize that you'll stay dwarf forever."

Roxas glared at Cloud's retreating back before letting out an annoyed huff and stepped outside. Jogging lightly to the nearest crossing, he could see Sora waving at him long before reaching him. Sora Leonhart and his brother Leon were Roxas and Cloud's cousins from their mother's side. Sora and Roxas were both the same age, 18, and had always been close, having a strange feeling of connection towards each other. Leon was 25, year older than Cloud. He's real name was Squall but few years ago he had suddenly changed it to Leon and refused to use Squall anymore (Roxas and Sora doubted that he the sudden namechange had something to do with Cloud who, despite usually being rather serious and stern guy, found the "Did Squall just SQUEAL" –jokes endlessly funny). When Sora had heard of Roxas' job at Tifa's, he had begged to get hired too. It was fun to have Sora working at the same place, Roxas thought. While he had never gotten along with noisy people, having always been quiet and becoming almost silent ever since the incident almost a year ago, Sora always managed to get him in better mood. It was something about Sora that made other people lower their walls and surrender. Roxas had always thought that it was the face. Sora's face, framed by his wildly spiked chestnut brown hair was so totally open and honest that it almost hurt to look. His huge blue eyes were filled with energy and his lips were quick to turn to big smile. Adding to that a laugh so infectious it was almost magic and a good sense of humor made Sora an easy guy to like. Invincible, one might say.

By the time Roxas arrived to the crossing and greeted his cousin, Sora was practically bouncing up and down.

"I swear, you're so slow, Rox! You'd lose to a turtle in a running competition and the turtle wouldn't even have to try! " Sora pouted as they headed towards Café Highwind. Roxas, who had a little trouble catching his breath as a result from his short jog, shot Sora a blank stare.

"Seriously, man, you need to start exercising. You're in bad shape; need to get some muscle on. Stop hanging at home and come for a jog with me sometime. Or you know, we could star going to the gym. " Sora nudged Roxas who let out a weary sigh.

"I like being at home."

Sora rolled his eyes extravagantly.

"Suuuure you do. Roxas, you've buried yourself there for almost a year! You need to get your social life up and working again. Your youth is seriously lacking wild and reckless parties! Take an example of Cloud", Roxas laughed dryly causing his cousin to frown and continue, "well, okay, he doesn't necessarily party or anything but he's up and moving forward." Sora's tone changed from his usual cheery to a more serious one.

"I don't want to talk about this." Roxas managed to mumble, sensing what Sora was getting at. He felt a little airheaded as he avoided his cousin's unusually sober stare.

"You think this is what Namine would've wanted? I think she-"

"Sora, please, would you just _shut up_!" Roxas' yell cut Sora short, seeming to echo in the silence that followed. Sora raised his hands up as a sign of retreatment, his face showing clearly that he felt insulted.

"Sorry, sorry. I just want the best for you." Sora said, his voice strained as he turned his gaze to the pavement. They arrived at Café Highwind in an uncomfortable silence. Inside Tifa was waiting for them.

"Morning, boys. Go change your uniforms on, it's another busy day!", She was in a good mood as she hushed the cousins into the dressing room. Silence hung heavily in the air as they started changing into their uniforms which consisted of black straight pants and white short sleeved shirt. On the top they tied black apron with the café's logo. Sora got ready first and turned to leave, still not having said a word. Feeling terribly guilty Roxas reached to grab the other boy's sleeve.

"Sora, I'm sorry. I know you're just thinking of me and I do appreciate it. It's just that… I'm not ready to let go yet"

Sora turned around, his eyes soft as he pulled Roxas into a hug which Roxas returned awkwardly. Hugging reminded him of things that he didn't want to think about.

"I know, I know. I wasn't really mad. It's just sad to see you like this", Sora held Roxas close to him for a while after pushing him gently away and huffing loudly, "Okay! Enough of this! Let's get to work", he patted Roxas' back as they stepped out, "Oh, and I almost forgot to tell you! You won't believe what Kairi said to me yesterday! It was like this: we were out and then she-", Roxas resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Kairi was a pretty girl from the neighborhood that they (especially Sora) had been friends for a long time. It was two years ago as a result of Kairi's 16th birthday party that she and Sora had ended up dating. Lately, though, it seemed that the lovey-dovey atmosphere was withering, Sora's whining about Kairi becoming rather usual. As Sora continued his latest story of woe, they stepped behind the counter all ready and set to serve the citizens of Twilight Town in their quest of getting coffee.

* * *

It was a busy day, even by their standards. A few times Roxas and Sora felt that the stream of demanding customers was never-ending. By the end of the day they were both completely drained, resting their aching feet as Tifa, still energetic, closed the place.

"Oh, right. Can you two stay a little bit longer? We'll be having a new worker join us staring next week and I invited him to drop by today to get to know the place a bit before starting. I'd like you to just to say hello to him, you don't have t stay late", she smiled while swiping the counter. Roxas and Sora exchanged a mildly curious glance.

"Uh.. Sure we can, can't we, Roxas? But why are we hiring?" Sora asked cocking his head, "you not happy with this superb pair of cousins?" he continued while grinning. Tifa laughed as she shook her head.

"No, no. You're fine. It's just, ever since Demyx quit and Vaan and Penelo went traveling, well, it's been a bit too hectic for just three, so I thought that one more couldn't hurt," she explained smiling warmly, "He's actually a friend of Demyx, and he seems to be suitable for us. He's 20 and goes to Twilight University. I did ask what he majored in, but totally forgot the answer," Tifa laughed, waving her hand dismissively," he'll be working here at least for the summer". Sora and Roxas nodded slowly to her explanation. Demyx, a silly guy sporting a wacky mohawk, had worked at Café Highwind earlier but quit some time ago in order to fully focus on his music career. Vaan and Penelo were university students who worked part-time for Tifa year-around, but this summer they had decided to go on a tent tour with their friends leaving Tifa with only Sora and Roxas. Having a new worker would ease their current situation considerably.

"So, when's he coming?" It was easy to hear the excitement in Sora's voice. Glancing at his cousin, Roxas could see that Sora could hardly stay put. Well, that's how Sora had always been, being fond of meeting people and all that. Roxas on the other hand felt slightly troubled. The reason he'd been able to survive with the job was that with Sora he had always been close with and he'd gotten used to Tifa long time ago, seeing that she was his brother's girlfriend but a new worker… Roxas' palms began to sweat thinking of hours and hours in the companion of a total stranger. His growing uneasiness escaped Tifa, who smiled even wider at Sora's evident excitement.

"Any minute now", her grin turned into a pout, "but are you two really going to make the only girl here do all the work? Hurry up and wash the dishes!" The two boys jumped up, mumbled a quiet "yes, ma'am!" and stumbled to the sinks where loads of dirty mugs awaited. Pulling on their rubber gloves the cousins got to work, Sora blabbing on and on and Roxas nodding as a sign of listening every once in awhile. They had settled in to a comfortable routine of Sora washing and Roxas drying, when the doorbell's chime told them that someone had stepped in.

"Riku! It's good to see you! Come in, come in" Tifa went to welcome the newcomer warmly. Roxas put down the mug he was drying before turning to face the stranger. Riku, as Tifa called him, turned out to be a tall, lean yet muscular young man with long silver hair in a messy bun. His eyes were light blue, strangely piercing, and his features were sort of pretty. Overall, Riku was a good looking guy, and his bearing gave a hint that he knew it himself, too. This is where Roxas' analysis got before Sora dropped a glass on the floor, the sudden noise causing Roxas to jump a little. Roxas turned to his cousin, preparing to scold him (seeing that this is 14th he has broken this week) but stopped when he saw the look on Sora's face.

"Sor, you okay?" Roxas' quiet mumble didn't seem to reach Sora, who just stared at Riku with his mouth hanging open a little and his eyes filled with bewilderment. No, he didn't just stare at Riku; he actually didn't see, hear or in any way notice anything but Riku.

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YES! CLOUD IS STRAIGHT! Ahem.. and yes, this'll be an Axel-Roxas -story, despite the lack of Axel in this chapter. I apologise for all mistakes you might've spotted, English is not my first language so I have some problems every now and then. Oh, and the pieces Rox and Namine are talking at the beginning are Chopin's nocturnes, go check them on youtube if you don't know them :)  
Corrections, critiques (constructive, please) and reviews are all **_loved_** !


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